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This morning I am reflecting on the past GTLYW workshop we had. I am still amazed even after all these years of doing workshops how much transformation can happen in just over 48 hours.
Of course, it doesn’t last without commitment to the process and the willingness to be curious, kind and conscious about your impact on your partner. But, it still amazes me and reminds me that when people feel safe, they open their hearts and that capacity lives in all human beings no matter how they show up.
Imago is so much more than a couples’ process. It is a guide to how to live in the world with an open heart. The process of the Intentional Imago Dialogue makes it possible to respond to internal reactivity in a curious rather than anxious way. When we learn to speak in a way that invites our partner to listen and listen in a way that invites our partner to speak, we create a space where we can both show up as how we really are, the best of us, rather than the worst of us.
As imperfect as Barbara and I are, these years of integrating these ideas and the practice of them, always helps us return to a state of loving connection. Are we free from conflict? Of course not. And I wouldn’t want to be. Is conflict fun? No of course not. But we both know that when we are in conflict something important is trying to happen to push in to a direction of growth and evolution, always becoming more of who we were always meant to be. As with nature, things sometimes need to disintegrate so they can integrate to a more evolved form.
Everytime we have a rupture and return together as a team to understand it, we create a deeper level of intimacy and connection.
I have a dream. (Guess I stole that line from someone) The dream is someday, human beings will find difference interesting rather than threatening and will be able to come together to safe our precious planet. I know this may feel far fetched and idealistic to many of you, but having witnessed couples who were on the brink, come back and create wonderful lasting relationships, I know it is possible.
Some of the couples I meet do feel hopeless, but I know when I make it safe for them, the longing for connection wins out. Does this always happen? Of course not. But when they are willing to look at their own contribution to the nightmare they are often able to behave in a way that creates a dream.
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